A Whole New World.

The fantasy began like many of our other stories. His voice would drop a few decibels as he leaned in close and began painting a new masterpiece with his words.

It was a world as described by him very similarly to Gor. Girls between the ages of 18 and 27 had an opportunity to choose a master whom they wished to serve. If they exceeded the age limit, they would belong to the government and most likely be used to clean the city streets, run the various stores and be destined to perform menial tasks the rest of their lives.

For those that were fortunate enough to find a master to serve, it was the most beautiful and passionate union they could ever imagine. It meant that not only would they be the cherished pet of a man, but that they would be trained to please him in every way – sexually, physically and emotionally. The training came at a high price – complete and utter ownership of the complex female body and mind…

In many ways, when I first heard the story it reiterated so many of my passions towards why slavery was so appealing to me. We live in a world where freedom is so valued, why did I crave to give myself over to someone else?

The security in being owned was my first gut-reaction response. I’ve always had an affinity towards cages and small spaces. I sleep in a double bed and only take-up one quarter of the space. I have more pillows than I do limbs. I need small spaces to feel secure. Clearly laid-out perimeters soothe my soul. It enables me to see the definitive borders of my existence, it is where I belong after all. Protected from harm, cherished by one.

Sitting back and thinking about it more clearly, security isn’t the only reason. I asked him: “is it wrong that I want to imagine myself owned as your property…because I’m afraid I might leave if I don’t?” The resulting conversation confirmed that although it was somewhat of a fantasy, it didn’t seem right to stay because of fear. What drives me to stay, as opposed to forcing me to leave?

I crave the surrender, the calm assurance that the choices are not mine to make. By no means is it a ‘lazy’ solution – for anyone that knows me, knows that I’ve always struggled with relinquishing control. There’s a comfort in knowing that you are cherished, appreciated and loved, and in return that submitting to your master is an active submission that requires mental and emotional diligence. I’m encouraged and compelled daily – particularly when the difficult issues arise – as to why I choose to give my life over – the only choice I seemingly ‘have’.

Nobody warned me that involving myself in a D/s relationship would elicit so many conflicting emotions. I’ve cried and laughed more often in the last four months than I have in my entire life. It’s intensely exhausting, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. At least, not in this world. As for the remainder of my fantasies, well, we’ll live those vicariously through our words.