As the days passed, my struggle with the thought of my abstinence flip flopped back and forth between me thinking that it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal, especially considering that i rarely had sex anyway, yet at the same time i was just starting to make progress on the site and really open up to the idea of having random hookups from people that i met on there. See, i had done the random hookup thing before, and it worked well for me, but i had never done it from a site specifically for that purpose. And being a single Bi female on that site it was rather overwhelming at first, as Bi single females tend to be a hot commodity on there. But right about the time i started to really warm up to the idea and get some prospects going, Master told me that He wanted me to abstain. It was hard for me, because although my desire to please Him was so strong, i did not want to abstain.
My birthday rolled around and the true test happened. And i failed that test. One of the guys from the site was in town and met up with me and we ended up having sex. i had guilt over it, but mostly it was sadness over knowing that i was going to disappoint Master when i told Him.
Four days later Master and i started chatting online and i confessed that i had not been able to abstain. Master said that He was disappointed in me and asked me how i would make it up to Him. i offered to take some pictures for Him according to whatever requests He gave me. He instructed me to take pictures with their user name from the site written across my chest. He also requested that i take pictures of my ass with “4 Mr. CPL only” written above it. He also gave me 2 rules. His abstinence request was now a rule that i was not allowed to have sex again until i met Him without asking first, and i also was not allowed to have anal with anyone else AT ALL until i saw him. i eagerly agreed and we began to discuss my trip out there.
He wanted me to come for His birthday, but that was just a few days away. It was already the 8th and his birthday was the 13th. He didn’t budge though, but rather than press the issue, He asked me how i saw this ending up with Him/them. Without putting pressure on me, He put pressure on me by forcing me to think about my future with Him/them. i knew that if i did not go out there soon they would lose interest in me. i just felt it.
For the next 2 days i debated my trip. i looked up flights and did some pricing. My finances were tight, but i had just enough extra money to book a flight. As i sat there on July 10th, 2009, i thought about how happy it would make them, and how Master would be pleased with me, and booked my flight for one week later.
Master seemed pleased, but i did not get quite the reaction that i had hoped for right off the bat. i sent Him the flight info and explained that i would send the confirmation when i received it. When i got home that night, i received the confirmation and forwarded it to Him.
He immediately texted me and said “I am Sir now.”
We discussed my trip and His tone with me was very firm and strong. It made me feel nervous, but a good nervous. i was surprised at how his happiness was reflected in firmness. i thought about it a lot that night, and realized that this was how a Master is towards his “pets.” The more i gave Him, the more i opened up to Him, the more control He was going to exude over me. And oddly enough, even though it was scary, it also felt oddly comforting. i still didn’t understand it, but i needed to find out more.
i was sitting at my kitchen table, using my computer when He texted me and said, “When I pick you up at the airport I will put my collar on you. You will not remove it until you leave. As long as you wear my collar, you belong to me. Do you understand?”
my heart did a HUGE flip flop at reading that. i instinctively answered “Yes Sir” and then Googled “collars BDSM” to find out exactly what that meant. i read all about the different styles of collars, and what they each meant. Apparently there were training collars, “show” collars, and daily collars. i also looked up pictures of collars. Some were very wide and elaborate, with locks and rings for leashes. Some had spikes and metal on them, some were thick, some were thin. i spent a good 2 hours reading about collars and looking at pictures of them. i wanted to know everything i could about them. Basically, i learned that when someone placed a collar on you, it was a sign of ownership. You were under their control, and you must obey their commands and serve to fulfill their wishes. The thought excited me, made me nervous and was a little bit scary. But i liked it.
The next couple of days i spent talking A LOT with Master. We discussed our plans for the 3 days, and He seemed very excited. i got the feeling that since i had agreed to give Him control for 3 days and wear His collar, that he had now relaxed and could be excited about my visit. i spoke to His wife a few times, which pleased me, and she seemed excited too. i was full of anticipation, wonder, and curiosity. i absolutely could not wait until i got there so i could meet them, and find out more about this entire lifestyle that i had stumbled across.
We talked a lot over the next week. He gave me a couple more rules, including that i was to say out loud before bed each night “i am beautiful Sir.” We also talked a lot about being submissive, and He started to pry more into my thoughts on the topic. i admitted that i was excited to try it, but that i wasn’t sure if it was something i would be into. He stated that His prediction was that i would absolutely love it and feel completely at home with it. i asked Him when He thought i would come through and He stated that it was in between the web cam night and when i stated that i had booked my flight. He then asked me when i knew that i would come out there and i stated that it was the web cam night. i said that the web cam night proved to me that i could let Him have control. i said that i needed to know how much i would give Him and the web cam scene helped with that. He asked me how much i would give Him and i said that i honestly had no clue, but that that particular question was the most exciting, scary and intriguing part of all. He stated that He believed that i would give Him everything. He said that once i tasted that liberation that He believed that i would let myself go. This made my heart leap, and my skin go hot. Because deep down, somewhere in there, i knew He was right.
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